Stay With Me
by DeanLittle67
Summary: When Finn joins the Army, he and Rachel are forced to face everything that comes with it. What he comes back a changed man, they have to fight their new battles together. Army AU Post Season 4
1. Chapter 1

August 1, 2012

Finn couldn't believe he had finished the best and worst nine weeks of his life. He'd survived basic training and was getting to go home for a few days before he got his official orders. His mom and Burt had made the trip down to Fort Benning to see his graduation, pride displayed with the smiles on their face when they saw him in his uniform, officially Private Hudson. He couldn't ignore the sadness he saw on his mother's though, knowing she didn't agree with his decision. He also knew it was based in the fear of losing her son.

His parents also knew he wasn't coming home to Lima. Instead, he'd booked himself a flight from Georgia to New York. He had to see her. There hadn't been a time since they'd known each other that they'd gone this long without some kind of conversation. He never knew it was possible to miss someone that much, so much that your heart hurt when you thought of them, until he'd joined.

"You promise you'll call when you get there?" Carole asked her son, holding onto his hands as they stood in the terminal. They'd booked a different flight back to Ohio that took off later than his to New York. His mom had insisted on staying with him until he boarded.

"I promise. And I promise I'll let you know when I get my orders and where I'll be stationed. I'll be fine, Mom," he assured her with a lopsided grin. He knew she was worried because he was her baby. He was an adult though, feeling more like an adult since the summer began.

"Oh honey!" Carole pulled him into a hug and he couldn't help but chuckle at her enthusiasm as he reciprocated. "We're going to miss you, so much."

"I'll try and make it back to Lima before I get my orders, I promise. And it's not like you guys can't visit me when I leave New York." In fact, he was hoping they visited. He had missed them all summer, and he knew he'd miss them when he was however far away.

"We know, son. Now, let's sit and talk before you go get on that plane and get your girl," Burt told him before shaking his hand - once Carole had released him from her grip.

Finn couldn't help but smile. All he could think about was how to surprise her. Rachel had always loved surprises. He figured he could set something up with Kurt, and that's when the idea hit him.

During the hour wait, he and Kurt had gotten it all planned out in between his conversation with their parents. When boarding began, he took his seat, fidgeting with his sleeves. It was like being a child on Christmas morning all over again. He couldn't wait to see the look on her face. This time, he knew they were going to make it work. They had to. Because they were Rachel and Finn. They were endgame, and everyone knew it. He let her go once, and it was the biggest mistake of his life. He was scared of what the future held for them, and he didn't want to hold her back from her big Broadway dreams. However, everything he'd done over the last nine weeks had shown him you can't be scared. You can't be scared to live and to love. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. He didn't want to hold either of them back from being with each other, though.

The plane ride was quicker than he'd expected, knowing it was because his mind was preoccupied with hoping it would all go perfectly and the exact details they'd figured out. It didn't take long to spot Kurt in the crowd of people at the baggage carousel with a handmade sign. 'Private Hudson.' He couldn't help but chuckle as he strode over to his brother, enveloping him in a hug.

"You ready to do this?" Kurt asked as he pulled back. Finn nodded, more than ready. "Well, put your bag in the car. Do you have everything you need?"

"Yeah. Let's go, Kurt."

"Why did we get all dressed up for a karaoke bar, Santana?" Rachel asked, kind of ticked off at how secretive Santana was being about all this. Finn was waiting to walk in, leaning against the wall outside of the bar acting like he was on the phone, back turned so Rachel wouldn't notice him.

"Berry, I swear if you don't stop complaining I will go all Lima Heights on your ass," her friend huffed in response as the two got out of the cab, Santana paying for the ride before walking in. He made mental not to pay her back considering how much she already owed him. "Plus, you're up first."

Finn followed the two girls in, watching as Santana dragged Rachel to the stage. He couldn't tell what they were saying as he sat at the bar, picking up the microphone and waiting. The bartender gave him a knowing smile. He'd gotten there an hour earlier to make sure this went smoothly.

"What should I sing?" He saw her mouth, leaning down to Santana before the Latina handed Rachel the microphone, the music already beginning.

"Just a small town girl. Livin' in a lonely world. She took the midnight train going anywhere," she started, looking at Santana with a smile. Finn took a breath. This was it.

"Just a city boy. Born and raised in South Detroit. He took the midnight train going anywhere," he interrupted before she could start the line.

She looked around for him as they continued to sing. On the second verse, he turned, standing from his seat at the bar. He could see how beautiful she looked, the look of pure joy on her face, even from this distance. By the time the song ended, he was standing in front of her off the stage. He helped her off the stage before her arms wrapped around him, pulling him close. It felt so good to have her in his arms again, holding her close. They had much more to do that night, so he pulled away. The way that she smiled at him made his heart melt.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming back?" she exclaimed as he cupped her cheek in his hand. He really couldn't help but smile at her smile.

"I wanted to surprise you. Come on, we have more to do before the night is up. I'll explain it all in a little while," he assured her as she glanced over at Santana who was giving them a thumbs up while knowingly shaking her head.

He guided her out of the bar, breathing in the fresh city air once they made it outside. He could not keep his eyes off her, knowing the dress was most likely Santana's doing, but he didn't care. She was there in front of him. They walked hand in hand for a couple of blocks, Finn guiding her into a restaurant. Kurt had helped him pick it out, mainly because he knew nothing about the city.

"Reservation for Hudson-Berry," he told the hostess before they were led to their table. Finn pulled her chair out for her before joining her.

"Tell me everything, Finn," she said enthusiastically, holding his hand on the table. She was still the Rachel Berry he loved. He figured she would be, knowing she wouldn't have changed that much over the summer.

"I'm only back for a week, maybe less. I haven't gotten my official base assignment yet. And I figured, what better way to spend my time than with my girl?" he told her, getting that radiant smile again.

"You're very sweet, Finn. But I still can't believe you joined the Army!" It was still a point of convention for them, he could tell. Was that the right word? Convention? The Army may have taught him a lot, but non-military vocabulary was not one of those things.

"I've learned so much over the summer, Rach. About me, about life, about us. I want there to officially be an us again. Some of the stories I heard, some of the training I had to learn. Life is too short to waste it on being upset. I want us to be happy, and before you say anything, I know you're not happy that I joined the Army. But I am. Just like you're happy to be performing," he quickly said, trying to get it all out before she had the chance to react or respond, because surely there was a lot she wanted to say. "I don't know where I'm going to be stationed, or if I'm ever going to be deployed. But I want to know you're there with me, even if you're not physically with me. I can't ask you to leave New York or you're dream because you are destined for great things. I'm just asking that we try. Try to have an us again." He took a breath. "Now you can talk."

He was undoubtedly nervous when it came to her reaction because it could go one of two ways. She could agree. Or she could completely shatter his heart. Unfortunately, he was ready for either reaction, trying not to get his hopes up. It was Rachel Berry afterall, the one girl who had the power to completely destroy him.

"Okay." One word? Pouring his heart out and he got one word. She giggled when he looked confused.

"That's it?" He was even more confused when she nodded. "I don't...I don't understand. You always have something to say."

"Finn." She squeezed his hand. "Am I happy that you called off our wedding, put me on a train, and joined the Army? Of course not. But I can see how much this means to you. It's not like I can tell you to quit, it doesn't work that way. But this." She pointed between the two of them. "This is something I know we can try to make work. Because you came back the moment you could. Now, let's catch up and eat?"

That was exactly what they did. He told her about basic and about the people he met. She caught him up on all the latest gossip and what she'd been up to all summer. It was as if no time had passed at all. They didn't further mention the wedding or how he broke the Army news to her. Instead, they enjoyed their time.

Once the meal was finished, Finn leaned back, smiling. "What did I do to deserve someone like you? How am I so lucky?"

"I ask myself that all the time, Finn." He loved when she blushed. Little did she know, he had one more surprise for her. It was the final surprise of the night and the one Kurt and Santana helped the most with.

"We have one more thing ahead of us. You'll probably like this one the most," he told her after paying the check. They held hands again as they walked outside.

"Finn, you've already done so much. Plus nothing can beat you being here right now. That's good enough for me." Her arms instinctively hooked around his waist, head leaning on his chest. He kissed the top of her head with an arm around her shoulders.

"Well, you're still getting this surprise." He hailed a cab, letting her get in before joining her. It wasn't easy to get last minute reservations at a hotel in New York City, but Kurt was the one who did it, and Finn knew his brother had his ways.

"Finn, can you afford this place?" she asked in a hushed tone when the pulled up.

Some secrets were better kept secret, so he didn't say anything. The couple got out of the taxi, Finn leading her inside to the reception desk. Kurt had really outdone himself this time, and Finn knew he owed his brother big.

"I have a reservation for Hudson," he told the clerk, pulling Rachel to him. Glancing down, he saw her smile up at him.

"You are all checked in, Mr Hudson," the clerk told him, handing him the room key. "We have you down for two nights, check out is at eleven." Okay, now he knew he really owed Kurt. And he assumed it wouldn't be in a way he would enjoy very much.

"Finn, what is all this?" Rachel asked him when they got in the elevator.

"This is me saying sorry," he answered, pulling her to him again. "For everything."

"I already forgave you." He knew that, but he still felt like he had to make it up to her. Plus, there was still a surprise she didn't know about.

When the elevator stopped, they stepped out, walking down to their room. "Close your eyes," he instructed. She rolled her eyes with a smile, but did it anyway. It took a lot less convincing than he thought it would.

He opened the door, leading them in. Kurt had gotten everything perfect. He was careful to make sure she didn't walk into anything, turning her towards the dresser before getting down on one knee and pulling the box out of his pocket.

His voice was soft as he spoke this time. "Open your eyes." When she did, her hand shot up to cover her mouth. "So, I know the last time I did this I was scared of the future. I wanted a constant in the face of overwhelming uncertainty. But this time, I know what I want. I want you to be constant in my life Rachel. I want to know wherever we are, no matter how far apart, that you're my girl. Will you do the honor of agreeing to marry me, Rachel Berry? Again," he added with a chuckle.

"Yes. I wanted to marry you then, and I want to marry you now!" He slid the ring on her finger before standing up and kissing her.

"So tell me, Ms Berry. What is it you want to do tonight?" With how quickly her lips were on his, he didn't need to ask twice.


	2. Chapter 2

August 5, 2012

They really had enjoyed their time at the hotel, but when the reservation was up, they'd moved their reunion to Rachel's apartment. It seemed all too surreal to him: the fact that they'd gotten engaged, broken off the engagement, and gotten engaged for a second time in the span of a year was crazy to him. But they were crazy, and he was crazy about her. There was no point not to try.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing. He didn't want to move from his spot on the bed, Rachel still deep asleep. The sun had just started to rise, and even though he couldn't see it very well out her window, he knew it was beautiful. The phone didn't stop ringing though, and he knew he had to answer it.

He carefully separated himself from Rachel, trying to not wake her up. She was sleeping so peacefully, and all he wanted was to rejoin her in slumber. Picking up the phone, he answered it with a quick statement of, "Hudson."

"Private Hudson, we have your base assignment. You need to report to Red River Army Depot in Hooks, Texas on August 6, 2012, at 0900," the woman on the other end of the phone told him.

"Clear, ma'am." He hung up the phone, not ready to say goodbye. He didn't want to tell Rachel yet either. However, he knew he had to, sooner than later. Probably as soon as she woke up. Setting the phone back down, he rejoined her in bed, pulling her close. He wasn't ready to book that flight. He really didn't want to leave her again.

It didn't take long for him to notice her waking up, kissing softly along her neck. She shifted in his arms, pressing against him with a content sigh.

"I could get used to this," she told him. He could hear the smile.

"I'm flying to Texas today," he replied. As much as he could get used to this, as much as he wanted more time, he knew they didn't have any more. The Army didn't work that way unfortunately. She turned in his arms to face him.

"So soon?" The look on her face caused him to sigh softly, kissing her softly. This was the last thing he wanted, to leave her. But he had to go and she had to stay.

"I'll try and visit if I get a weekend off. And you'll come visit during holidays. Just think of it this way, okay? It's like we're going to different colleges. My contract is up in four years, you'll be done with NYADA in four years, and then we'll decide what to do from there."

"But you're not going to college, Finn. You're in the Army, and I'm going to worry every day. What if something happens?" She always worried, but he wouldn't let himself think like that. It was football over again.

"Nothing is going to happen to me, I promise. I need to book my flight, and then we'll do whatever you want until I have to go to the airport." He just wanted to spend these last few hours with her. He knew the definite soonest to see her was Thanksgiving, and that seemed like an eternity away.

"Anything?" He knew that tone of voice and smirk. Thank God Santana and Kurt were out for the day.

When the time came, they got dressed again, Finn grabbing his bag. They didn't say anything during the cab ride to the airport or when they got out of the cab. He checked in at the kiosk, walking to security. This was where they had to say goodbye.

"I swear to God, Finn Hudson, I will kill you myself if you don't come back safe, okay?" she warned him. All he could do was smile at how adorable she was.

"I promise, I'll stay safe. I love you." He leaned down, kissing her as her arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him close.

"I love you more. Call me every day. I don't care how late it is." He nodded. "I'm going to miss you."

"I'm gonna miss you too. But we're going to see each other soon." He knew they would. Because she was going to come visit during holidays, and he'd try to make it to New York during a weekend if he could. This wasn't goodbye, he had to remind himself. This was see you later.


	3. Chapter 3

August 5, 2012

They really had enjoyed their time at the hotel, but when the reservation was up, they'd moved their reunion to Rachel's apartment. It seemed all too surreal to him: the fact that they'd gotten engaged, broken off the engagement, and gotten engaged for a second time in the span of a year was crazy to him. But they were crazy, and he was crazy about her. There was no point not to try.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing. He didn't want to move from his spot on the bed, Rachel still deep asleep. The sun had just started to rise, and even though he couldn't see it very well out her window, he knew it was beautiful. The phone didn't stop ringing though, and he knew he had to answer it.

He carefully separated himself from Rachel, trying to not wake her up. She was sleeping so peacefully, and all he wanted was to rejoin her in slumber. Picking up the phone, he answered it with a quick statement of, "Hudson."

"Private Hudson, we have your base assignment. You need to report to Red River Army Depot in Hooks, Texas on August 6, 2012, at 0900," the woman on the other end of the phone told him.

"Clear, ma'am." He hung up the phone, not ready to say goodbye. He didn't want to tell Rachel yet either. However, he knew he had to, sooner than later. Probably as soon as she woke up. Setting the phone back down, he rejoined her in bed, pulling her close. He wasn't ready to book that flight. He really didn't want to leave her again.

It didn't take long for him to notice her waking up, kissing softly along her neck. She shifted in his arms, pressing against him with a content sigh.

"I could get used to this," she told him. He could hear the smile.

"I'm flying to Texas today," he replied. As much as he could get used to this, as much as he wanted more time, he knew they didn't have any more. The Army didn't work that way unfortunately. She turned in his arms to face him.

"So soon?" The look on her face caused him to sigh softly, kissing her softly. This was the last thing he wanted, to leave her. But he had to go and she had to stay.

"I'll try and visit if I get a weekend off. And you'll come visit during holidays. Just think of it this way, okay? It's like we're going to different colleges. My contract is up in four years, you'll be done with NYADA in four years, and then we'll decide what to do from there."

"But you're not going to college, Finn. You're in the Army, and I'm going to worry every day. What if something happens?" She always worried, but he wouldn't let himself think like that. It was football over again.

"Nothing is going to happen to me, I promise. I need to book my flight, and then we'll do whatever you want until I have to go to the airport." He just wanted to spend these last few hours with her. He knew the definite soonest to see her was Thanksgiving, and that seemed like an eternity away.

"Anything?" He knew that tone of voice and smirk. Thank God Santana and Kurt were out for the day.

When the time came, they got dressed again, Finn grabbing his bag. They didn't say anything during the cab ride to the airport or when they got out of the cab. He checked in at the kiosk, walking to security. This was where they had to say goodbye.

"I swear to God, Finn Hudson, I will kill you myself if you don't come back safe, okay?" she warned him. All he could do was smile at how adorable she was.

"I promise, I'll stay safe. I love you." He leaned down, kissing her as her arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him close.

"I love you more. Call me every day. I don't care how late it is." He nodded. "I'm going to miss you."

"I'm gonna miss you too. But we're going to see each other soon." He knew they would. Because she was going to come visit during holidays, and he'd try to make it to New York during a weekend if he could. This wasn't goodbye, he had to remind himself. This was see you later.

December 8, 2012

Finn started his day off like any other, checking his phone for any messages from Rachel. She sent something everyday, but nothing showed up. He reminded himself that it was only six in the morning, she was probably still asleep. So, he took the initiative, sending her a goodmorning text before getting dressed.

It had been three weeks since she'd come down and visited during Thanksgiving holiday. He hadn't had the time to go up there since August though, as much as it pained him. But his days off were scattered and never back to back. She had surprised him a couple of times in those months though, even though their time was very limited during those visits. Her visits were what kept him sane. As well as his mom's who'd tried to make it down at least once a month.

He finished getting dressed, trying not to wake him roommate who'd had the day off. He was a nice guy, but it was different. Afterall, he was no Puck. Finn really did miss his friends, even though they'd kept in touch. The last time he'd seen Puck in person was at the train station when he let Rachel go, the same with most of his friends in Ohio. He'd left almost right away for basic training.

"Listen up," the Sergeant told them during PT. "We are being mobilized for deployment. We will have training every day, you will all be briefed tomorrow, and physicals will begin. You will have one day off before deployment. I suggest telling your families this date to say goodbye. Now, onto training details..." Finn zoned out for a moment, trying to process.

He'd been here for two months and they were already being deployed? He must have had the worst luck. Or he'd done something in a past life for the universe to hate him. What was worse was the fact he had to tell Rachel. Oh, God. Rachel was going to kill him. She was going to go crazy and kill him for getting into this situation. Not to mention his mom. They were going to tag team his death, he knew it. He needed to see Rachel before he left, there was so much he needed to say to her before he left.

He had joined for many reasons. To restore honor to the Hudson name. To serve and protect his country. To feel like he had a purpose again, which he finally felt like he'd found it. Was he terrified? Absolutely. He'd be insane to not be terrified. But he was also excited, as horrible as it sounded. He wanted to show that he was worth something, that he could do this. He wanted to show himself that he could do this, to prove once and for all that he wasn't a Lima Loser.

The rest of the day dragged on. They'd began their training. They were being briefed tomorrow. He had to call Rachel, which was exactly what he'd done when he got back to his room. It was much later than it usually was. Glancing at his phone, he saw he had several missed calls from Rachel. It was now or never, and he wasn't about to start hiding things from her. He felt like he was in high school all over again, scared to admit the truth to Rachel.

He sat on his bed, picking up the phone and hitting the dial button. He had to take a few deep breaths to calm himself before she answered.

"Finn," she answered. Even through the phone, he could tell she was smiling.

"I know it's late, Rach. We've been busy all day. God, I miss you," he admitted, leaning back on the bed. He really did, wanted to do nothing but see her.

"Sounds like something's on your mind. What is it?" How could she read him so well? He took another deep breath, trying to maintain his composure.

"I'm being deployed." It was so hard to say. It was even harder to hear the sharp intake of breath from the other side of the phone. He sat in silence, waiting for some kind of response.

"When? Why? Finn, you told me you'd be safe!" Her voice gradually raised until she was yelling at him. "God, Finn! Don't you ever think?"

"Rachel," he said as she continued her tirade. "Rachel!" he said more forcefully until she finally stopped. "I know this isn't what you want to hear. It isn't what I want to hear either. But it is what it is. And I'll be back before you know it." She could hear her sniffling, knowing she was probably crying. "I have a day off right before deployment. The thirteenth. I know it's a Thursday and you probably have class-"

"I'll be there, okay. I don't care about missing class," she assured him with a shaking voice. He really didn't know what he'd done to deserve her. They spent the next hour talking about her day, trying to ignore the looming reality that he was leaving again. And they didn't know if he was coming back.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I just want to say I have no formal military experience. If I got details wrong or anything, please don't hesitate to message me to inform me so I can make appropriate changes. Thank you.

March 8, 2013

It was too damn hot in the desert for Finn. He hated it. He always had sand on him, was always too hot and sweaty, and he was always tired. He tried calling his mom as often as he could, which wasn't often, unfortunately. And neither was calling Rachel. He tried to write them as much as he could, but it was difficult. Any time that wasn't spent sleeping was spent training, or trying to relax the best he could, or even patrolling. With every letter from Rachel was a statement telling him to be careful.

He kept a picture of her with him all the time, in the pocket of his jacket. The edges were worn away from the amount of times he'd looked at it, held it in his hands. It killed him to leave her, to have to walk away from her to go to Afghanistan. But it was what he'd signed up for. They both knew that.

"What's got your panties in a twist, Hudson?" someone asked from behind him. Turning, he saw it was Antonio. They'd been in the same platoon, had quickly hit off a friendship. They busted each other's balls, but when it boiled down to it, they had each other's backs.

"Just thinking about my girl, dude. I fuckin' miss her," he answered as his friend sat next to him on the bench. "She's my beacon of light, my bright star," he continued, tucking the picture away again.

"You can be such a pansy, sometimes, Hudson," Antonio joked, punching him lightly on the shoulder. "You ready for tomorrow?"

"Hell no, man. I'll never be ready for going out there. But it is what it is. I just remember Rachel and how I promised her I'd come back safely. I can't break my promise now, can I?" Antonio just laughed.

"I know what you mean. Ramona would bring me back to life, just to kill me again." That sounded a lot like Rachel to Finn. "Let's go get some chow and then hit the hay. We have an early morning." He knew his friend was right, standing up and heading to the tent.

"Will I ever get used to how horrible these things taste?" Finn asked halfway through the meal, only response being a shoulder shrug from Antonio. "Guess you're right."

When the two finished, they laid down in their respective beds. It seemed like Finn had just fallen asleep when he was shaken awake by Antonio. By the looks of it, it was still the middle of the night.

"What the hell, man?" he groaned, sitting up on his elbows to see his friend fully dressed already.

"We have to go, now!" he told Finn. Finn had no idea what was going on, but he listened, throwing his uniform on quickly. The two walked out to see their Sergeant waiting for them next to the humvees.

"Listen, men," he told the group of about fifteen. Finn wasn't good at guessing amounts. "I know getting up earlier than expected isn't what you wanted. But there's been an incident with the group before us and we have to go get them. Stick together, and don't do anything stupid!" Finn wasn't planning on it. He couldn't tell if this was like a vehicle problem or an enemy problem, and if anybody else had an idea, they didn't give any hints.

He had to think of Rachel and how he promised he'd be back. He was scared, he always was, but he had a mission to focus on. He tried not to let his mind wander too far from the current objectives as he and Antonio got in the humvee, weapons close to them. They all made small chat, Antonio the only one he really knew. He knew the names of the others, but had never gone out of his way to have a friendship with them.

"So, tell me about this Rachel, Hudson," Antonio suggested as they drove, blocking out everybody else's conversations.

"What haven't I told you, man? She's my everything. We got married the day before we deployed. She wanted to be able to call me her husband, and can you blame her? I mean look at me." The two men had a good laugh about that. "You haven't told me much about Ramona though. I feel like I'm always the one talking."

"What's there to say? We met when I was a bartender and she was a waitress and hit it off right away. We had a kid before getting married and now she's a teacher," Antonio told him, keeping it short. Antonio never really talked much about his family.

"Surely there's more than that. I feel like I've told you literally everything there is to know about Rachel," he pressed, wanting to hear more.

"Kid, when you get to be my age, you'll learn that sometimes, not talking is the best way to get through it all." Finn just shrugged. He loved talking about Rachel, helped him process everything that he'd seen and done. Everyone processed things in their own way, though. And at that moment, his life changed.

He heard the explosion before he felt in, the humvee flipping. His head knocked against the window as it landed. For a moment, he thought he was dead, but when he looked around he found out that he was very much alive, searing pain shooting through his left leg. Antonio was looking around as well, their eyes meeting in mutual fear.

"What the hell was that?" Finn asked as Antonio got the door open, pulling Finn out before going back for the others.

Finn sat on the sand, looking around. One of the humvees was completely destroyed, knowing everyone in it was probably dead, or too far gone to save. When he looked down at his leg, he saw his ankle at an odd angle, knowing it was broken. Then, he honed in on the sound of gunfire, holding his own weapon up for protection as he stood, trying not to put any weight on the ankle. Antonio and the three other men from their humvee were relatively unscathed, nothing major as they all looked around, trying to find the others and figure out were the gunfire was coming from. That's when Finn heard it, the sound of a bullet whizzing by his head. It was never a sound he'd get used to. He heard the distinct noise of a bullet hitting a body, turning to see Antonio looking at him before falling to the ground.

"No!" he yelled, hobbling over to his friend as fast as he could. "Antonio!"

He knelt down next to his friend, ignoring the yelling around him. He had to make sure they got home for their wives. Surveying the damage, he saw where the bullet had entered his friend's abdomen. His first instinct was to pack the wound, rummaging through his pack to find the gauze and doing just that.

"You're going to be fine, man," he assured Antonio who looked up at him, wheezing.

"When you get back, make sure Ramona knows I love her," Antonio told him, grabbing onto Finn's wrist, leaving a bloody handprint.

"No. I'm not gonna do that. Because you're gonna tell her that yourself, you hear me?" Finn was adamant about the fact that his friend was going to survive this.

He didn't want to give up on him. They'd been in Hell together, surely they were going to go home together. Finn finished packing the wound before trying to find the other survivors, weapon still drawn as he hobbled his way around. That was until a searing pain ripped through his shoulder, causing him to fall to his knees in a mixture if self preservation and absolute fear.

He looked down at the shoulder, seeing a bullet wound. He'd been shot. What else was there to experience now? He really shouldn't have asked himself that as he felt a boot kick his back, holding him on the ground as a familiar language was spoken. But just because it was familiar didn't mean Finn knew what the man was saying. His helmet came off and he felt the barrel of a gun come in contact with his head. This was it, wasn't it? He didn't want it to be it, but he was resigned. There was no getting out of this. The last thing he remembered was the feeling on a blunt object come down on the back of his skull.


	5. Chapter 5

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Finn didn't know how long he'd been here, having lost track of time long ago. He'd tried, really tried, to keep track. But the days blended together, and the small window didn't give him much of a clue as to when there was sunlight and not. The pain had blended together as well. At least he wasn't tied to a chair today. Or hung from ropes. No, he was left in what he considered his prison cell, because that's what it was. How long had it been? He wanted to know, but the only people who came into the cell were his captors to either torture him some more or to give him small rations of food.

Her photo had really been worn away, had blood-stains on it from his hands. She was what kept him going. He had promised her he'd come home, and he wasn't about to break the promise. If it wasn't for Rachel, he really would have given up long ago. But he had something to go back to.

He assumed it was a wife who would come down to give him his food. Occasionally, she would cut his hair to keep it shorter. It was always choppy. And he assumed it was the malnutrition that made it where his beard had stopped growing. When he looked down at himself, he couldn't recognize his body. His ribs were clearly visible, bruises and cuts and scars littered his skin. He'd recently gotten an infection in one of the wounds on his shoulder which had continued to progress. It wasn't like he could have done anything about it.

He couldn't stand on his own. Upon his capture, one of his ankles had been broken and had never healed right. Sleep deprived and hungry, beaten and tortured, he wanted to give up every day.

There were some days he thought he could hear her voice in his head. He could hear her singing. He'd hummed once. Once. That had resulted in more punishment. What had he done to deserve this? What had he done in a past life? He'd asked himself that once before all this happened, when he found out he was being deployed. He regretted every decision to join the army. He should have just gone to New York with her.

There was yelling coming from nearby, which wasn't uncommon. He didn't move from his spot on the floor of the corner of the small room. But then came the gunfire, which was. He wished the pain would go away as he listened, long giving up hope of being found, despite continuing to hold on for her. This wasn't a rescue team, this was just another battle raging outside.

When the door slammed open and he looked at the gun before the uniform, he wanted to cry. Familiar camouflage covered the soldier.

"Who are you?" the man yelled, pointing the gun at Finn.

"Private…" He cleared his throat. He hadn't really talked much, the only sounds coming from him had typically been pleading and screaming and crying. "Private Finn Hudson." The look of surprise on the man's face was more of a shock to Finn. "I'm Private Finn Hudson," he said again.

The other man lowered his weapon, walking over to Finn as he heard the rest of the platoon clear the building before making their way down the stairs. "Sir, you'll want to see this," he told someone as they walked through the group who were guarding the door to ensure no further attacks.

"What's your name son?" the older man asked, kneeling down to the level of Finn.

"Private Finn Hudson, sir," he said weakly, voice scratchy. The older man gave a look of confusion and surprise as well. Why was everyone so surprised to see him? It hadn't been that long had it?

"Finn Hudson, let's get you home, Son," he said, motioning for the others to help him get Finn on his feet. "How well do you think you can walk?"

"I...Not well," he answered. "My ankle was broken during capture." His voice sounded so much more different than he'd remembered. The man nodded as he and two other men helped Finn up, not able to put any weight on that foot. The sun blinded him as they went outside, much hotter than he remembered. But he was free.


	6. Chapter 6

March 8, 2017

"Today marks four years since Private Finn Hudson from Lima, Ohio went missing in action in Afghanistan," the news reporter said, Rachel quickly turning the television off. She knew what day it was, she didn't need news outlets across the country reminding her. She had enough reminders every day. Plus, it wasn't like she could forget that day, no matter how much she'd tried. And everyone knew she'd tried. How do you forget the worst day of your life?

" _I'm looking for Mrs Rachel Hudson," she heard from the door. Kurt had answered, Rachel working on homework. She stood up, walking over to see a man in a military uniform standing there. "Are you Mrs Hudson?" he then asked._

" _Y-yes. Is there something wrong?" she asked, not knowing what to expect. Every movie she'd seen had told her this was the point she would be told that Finn had been killed. But her reality was much worse than that._

" _Ma'am, your husband has gone missing in action. He was on a mission and his platoon was attacked. We have found no evidence he was killed, but we are doing everything we can to find him and bring him home." He hadn't told her they were trying to find him alive. Rachel felt like he was saying they were trying to find his body._

" _Oh my god," she said softly, leaning into Kurt who had his own tears. Finn was his brother, not just her husband. "Oh my god!" she said again, much louder with tears. She could hear Santana walking out of her defined living space._

" _Ma'am, is there anything we can do for you and your family during this time?" the soldier had asked. All she wanted to say was to bring him back. That's what they could do. But no words came out as she opened her mouth, just another sob. "If there is anything you need, don't hesitate to call." He handed Kurt a business card before walking away._

" _What's wrong with the hobbit?" Santana asked. Rachel couldn't look at her, continuing to lean on Kurt for literal support. She felt as if her legs would collapse under her if she let him go._

" _Finn," Kurt said softly over Rachel's cries. "He's missing in action, Santana." Rachel could feel a second pair of arms around her, knowing it was her other roommate. She knew what she had to do though, when she could see through her tears. She had to tell Carole._

Rachel wasn't ready for this. Mr Schuester had convinced the original members of the glee club to come back for a memorial for Finn. She hated that everyone acted like he was dead. The military hadn't found a body, so she could continue to try and be optimistic.

They all joined in the auditorium, dressed in black. Rachel looked to Kurt, knowing what song Mr Schue had them learn before coming. Even though he technically wasn't their teacher anymore, he was still their mentor. And this had all been his idea to help them process the day. They'd gotten together every year, but this year, Will had been adamant about it. He'd said he had something for them to see.

"Five hundred, twenty five thousand, six hundred minutes," the group sang, coming together on stage as Will watched on from the auditorium seats. Rachel was doing her best to hold back her tears, not wanting to cry again.

She'd spent the night at Carol's house, in Finn's room. They hadn't changed any of it, all of it looking the same. It still smelled like him. She'd put on his letterman jacket, sitting on his bed as she looked around, trying to imagine him still there. She could remember when she'd told Carole seemingly forever ago.

" _What do we owe this surprise," Burt had asked when Rachel and Kurt came knocking on the door. They'd driven nine hours to Lima to tell Carole in person what had happened. It had given Rachel time to think about how to tell her, and to cry. She didn't know why she wasn't out of tears yet._

" _Is Carole home?" Kurt asked his father, Rachel unable to say anything. Burt ushered them inside to the living room._

" _Carole, the kids are here!" Burt called out to his wife. Rachel sat down on the couch with Kurt, continuing to lean against him for comfort. Burt sat down on the loveseat, waiting for his wife to come in the room and join him._

" _What's going on kids?" she asked. "Are you pregnant?" Of course her mother-in-law's first assumption would be that she was pregnant after Finn had been deployed. Honestly, she wished she was instead of this. Now, she didn't even know if she'd ever have Finn's kids._

" _It's Finn," she managed to say before a sob escaped from her lips. The look of fear on Carole's face broke Rachel's heart even more as the woman reached over to grab onto Burt's hand. "He's missing in action."_

 _Her mother in law didn't do anything to hide the tears that began trickling down her cheeks, unable to say anything. Rachel understood. How are you supposed to respond? She surely didn't know._

The group finished their song, looking out at Mr Schue, waiting for him to say something. Mostly waiting to find out why this was so important.

"You guys always amaze me," he told them, walking up to the stage to stand in front of them. "You've also just sang the first song in the Finn Hudson Auditorium."

Rachel couldn't believe it, and the looks of surprise on her friend's faces meant they had the same feelings. He wasn't dead though. When places were named after people, it was because they were dead. And she refused to believe he was dead.

"Mr Schue," Puck said before their teacher cut him off.

"Since McKinley is now becoming a performing arts school, I and the board saw it fit to rename the auditorium after someone who not only sacrificed himself for his country, but who was a huge part in making this school into what it is. He was the defining factor when it came to the social construct of the school, of how people were defined," he explained, Rachel nodding along. "Now, with it being four years since he went missing, I saw it fit to have a memorial for him. Not for his death, because we all know Rachel is adamant he's not dead. As are the rest of us. But to celebrate his life. So, the next two days, I want us all to sing something that reminds us of Finn, okay?" The group nodded. "My door is open if any of you want to talk. As is Emma's. You may not go to school here anymore, but this place is as much of yours as it is anyone else's."

Rachel waited for everyone to leave, sitting on the edge of the stage. It was their Jerusalem, all of theirs. But it was where her and Finn always came when it was important.

"How are you holding up, Rachel?" Will asked as he sat next to her. She shrugged, continuing to look out at the chairs, fidgeting with her wedding ring.

"It never gets easier." Her voice shook as she spoke, tears burning her eyes. "Every day I just...I wake up and expect him to be there. I talk to him a lot. I can see his face and hear his voice so clearly, it's almost as if he's not gone. Do you think I'll ever forget it? Because I'm afraid that one day," her voice cracked as she tried to hold back the tears. "I'm afraid that one day I will." She leaned her head on the man's shoulder as she felt his arm wrap around her shoulder.

"What do you talk to him about?" he asked, and she knew he was just trying to comfort her. Without them ever finding a body, it was like she was in a constant state of grieving because she couldn't move on without knowing.

"Everything. Even when he was here, it was me talking all the time and him pretending to listen, so it's not that much different." The two were able to chuckle for a moment. A brief moment of happiness.

"So, what now?" he asked her, pulling back. She looked at him, shrugging again.

"I don't know. I'm not ready to give up on him. I don't know if I ever will."

Will nodded, standing and helping her do the same before walking to the choir room where everyone else had gathered. She joined them in the familiar, red chairs. One was empty, sitting where he always sat near the drum kit. Their teacher walked to the whiteboard, writing one word. 'Finn.' They all knew what their assignment was, but seeing his name up there was different for her.

"I'd like to start," Mercedes said, standing up before them all. "I remember Finn telling me, uh, that he sang this song to his baby's sonogram. Before baby-gate," she said, glancing at Puck. Rachel just listened, wanting this to be for them. She would never be able to move on.


	7. Chapter 7

March 9, 2016

"Noah, you can't come here drunk," Rachel scolded him, seeing him walk into the choir room. It was obvious. Plus, it seemed like whenever she saw him, he was always drunk.

"Can you just shut up, Berry," he grumbled, picking up the guitar as he sat on the stool in the choir room before singing No Surrender. Everyone watched his emotional performance, nobody daring say anything. Tears came for some, others just looked on. But there for sure wasn't one person who couldn't feel how much Puck missed his friend.

"Finn was the one who kept me in line, and...I figured if he isn't there, I'll need an army," he told the group.

"The army? Are you insane?" Rachel exclaimed as she stood. "That's what got us in this situation to begin with Noah!" Will had to shush her, getting her to sit back down.

"Let him talk and explain," Blaine then added.

"I know your concerns. But I've been floating through the past four years without a purpose, something missing from my life. He was my brother, and it had always been us against the world. He asked me to join with him, but I was too scared. I might have been able to save him if I had. Plus, it's the air force. I'm gonna be a top gunner," he continued with a smile. Rachel knew that was his and Finn's favorite movie to watch.

"I'm pretty sure those were naval aviators in that movie," Sam then said. Puck just shrugged.

Rachel couldn't believe this was actually happening. Sure, her and Puck hadn't seen eye to eye on much throughout the years, but the two things they had in common were their religion and Finn. He'd been the one to convince her to go back to NYADA, who'd told her to audition and sing and keep living her life. Kurt and Santana hadn't been able to get through to her. Puck just knew how to play his cards right, and the card up his sleeve was always, "Is this what Finn would want? Because I know it's not." She was losing another thing that kept Finn tied to her.


	8. Chapter 8

October 25, 2017 - New York City

"Rachel, there's a phone call for you," her assistant said between practicing scenes. She'd signed onto a reprise of The Blue Paradise as Mizzi. It was different, difficult, not having a lot of stage time. But it was something to keep her busy, and she'd had a tendency to agree to as much as possible to keep her busy. Especially after Funny Girl. As much as she loved the big name parts, she enjoyed getting to step out of it for a while.

"Can you tell them to call back?" she replied, continuing to read over her lines.

"It's urgent." Rachel didn't know what to think when she answered the phone.

October 25, 2017 - Germany

Finn opened his eyes, seeing white all around him. Was he in heaven? It sure felt like it, not feeling any pain, the room almost silent. That was until he started to pay attention, eyes coming into focus to see a tiled ceiling. That was also when the pain started to set in as well as several very uncomfortable feelings.

First, he really couldn't feel his left foot. He couldn't move it either. Second, it felt like something was shoved up his nose and all he wanted to do was pull it out. But he was just so tired, eyes closing again.

When he woke again, it wasn't as bright. He turned his head, looking out of the window to see that it was dark outside. When was the last time he'd seen the moon and the stars? It had been forever, since he was with Antonio talking about Rachel before they got in the humvee. And that was when it all came back. The IED, the screaming, the gunfire. Antonio lying motionless on the ground as Finn packed his wounds.

"Glad to see you're finally awake," he heard someone say. He turned his head to look the other way, seeing a man about Will's age. He blinked a couple of times, trying to find his words.

"Where am I?" he asked. He felt safe, so he wasn't worried about who the man was. Plus, he spoke English. That was a benefit.

"Landstuhl Regional Medical Center in Germany. You're one lucky person, Private Hudson," he said, walking further into the room, taking a seat in a chair next to the hospital bed. "I'm Doctor Grant with the US Military. Tell me, Finn, what do you remember?"

"We were out on a recon mission. A different group had something go wrong. They wouldn't tell us what. I lost track of the days, wherever I was. It was…" He couldn't figure out the best way to describe it. It was hell on earth, a nightmare.

"Torture is what it was, Finn. You were in there for over four years." Finn's heart was racing, panic setting in when he heard that. Four years? Yes, it had felt like an eternity, but it couldn't have been four years. He'd promised Rachel he'd be back, like it was college. He'd promised his mom. Oh, god. His mom must have been so worried.

Sitting up, he tried to pull the IVs out, needing to get out. It felt like the room was getting smaller. He could tell the doctor was trying to tell him something, but he couldn't tell. He just needed to get out. Telling Grant that. The next thing he knew, he was getting drowsy, eyes closing again.


End file.
